the first time i killed myself

15 Mar

The first time I killed myself, I thought, “Well, this is it.”

I know it was a rash decision to make, but I’d had a few beers. I jumped from my seventeenth-floor window, certain I’d make an impact. As I fell, I imagined the last thing to go through my head – besides the pavement, of course – would be some sense of remorse. But I didn’t feel a thing.

And that was it. Dead.

Except…I opened my eyes, it was Monday, and I was late. I dashed into the office and…nothing. No “Hey, Shane, unlucky with that suicide”. Nothing.

I only lasted another three weeks. My horse came in fifth, so I did the decent thing: a bullet to the head. Failed. Now, it’s – I’ve – become a joke. Slit wrists, overdose; I’ve tried the lot. Even licked batteries.

I won’t give up, though. Something has to change, because this is killing me.

 

read more the first time i killed myself here.

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